Love Yourself First and Completely- Saturday, Novemebr 17, 2007

Dear Friends,
This is part of the 1st draft of a chapter in my book..Enjoy!

Love yourself first and completely.

This is the hardest yet most powerful thing you can ever do. You are so boxed in by your minds inherited view of who you are and what you are supposed to be that it’s very difficult to see clearly. So first I’ll talk about why, then how it’s done, because it took me a long time to really figure this one out, even though I’d heard it a number of times, as you may have also. Becoming whole means all of our parts, the ones I talked about before, have to become integrated. This is NOT something that your mind can do. The mind thinks that this is its job; to figure out what belongs where and to organize and classify everything. Trust me; this is beyond its capability because it also needs to become integrated. Our minds have taken on superior status for eons and learned to wield a lot of power on our world and personal view of life. It likes being in control and thinks it has the righteous view on everything about you. Sorry, not true. You will begin to bring back a sensitive body, emotions that are fluid and a clearer spiritual part of you that has a broader view.

The key to this comes from Aikido plus an understanding of the new physics. What you push away pushes back. What you resist persists. So in order to carry out this function of integration, you need to begin inside, by offering compassion and kindness to yourself. Take a deep breath right now and imagine whatever it is that you may be glaring at in disgust, whatever you don’t like, imagine that as a small defenseless child who needs a little love and tenderness. Sometimes you see or do something ugly that you can’t imagine loving. You are HUMAN. It’s OK.

You are a learning being. Instead of berating yourself, offer a small hug and maybe even a little laughter of compassion. You are here learning what works, and sometimes you try out things that have been done to you. If you didn’t like them, they don’t work. Maybe you loved the person that did that thing to you, so you try it anyway, trying to understand. When you’ve grown up into adults, you think you’re supposed to leave the learning process behind. Don’t we wish! You also probably think that if you punish the unwelcome parts of yourself that they will go away, that you can keep control of all the badness inside you through the unproven method of beating yourself up regularly. It doesn’t work and it makes things worse.You are too valuable and important to treat that way, no matter how anyone else has treated you in your life, no matter what society tells you of your smallness. Not true. You are the only one you really have and you will attract a life that reflects how you value yourself. This is important. No matter what you think of yourself, it’s time to stop the negativity. Now. Take a deep breath again and imagine holding yourself in a gentle embrace. You are everything and by the end of this book, I hope you’ll understand why. Love is the most powerful force in the universe and it is the sweetness that begins to stick the disjointed parts of yourself back together. You may think that if I only love the good parts of myself then the rest will go away. It doesn’t work; the mind has a hard time forgetting that punishment isn’t the cure and truthfully what is pushed away or denied only goes underground or maybe even into a parallel dimension, eager to haunt you when you feel vulnerable.

In order to become whole, you will need to begin developing a safe space, where all of you is allowed, where no part of you, no matter what you ‘think’, is pushed away. Remember thinking doesn’t hurt and you have had a trillion thoughts you’ve never acted on. Thought are just thoughts, allow yourself to be amused by the ones you may not approve of. Say “look at that thought, it’s like a silly child who may not yet know better”.Feel who you are, bigger than a thought, a feeling, an idea. You really are bigger and you can develop a safe space within yourself to be. Breathe. If you only do this one step, you will give yourself the most important gift anyone could ever give you. You will also become the most generous person to others, because you have given yourself the love that you need and therefore don’t need to figure out how to be OK to anyone else. Of course this takes time, to retrain the mind out of constant judgment and really start listening to you so you can nourish yourself. I was taught that this is selfish and self-centered and it does feel like that at first. Soon you realize you feel better and then you feel kinder toward others also. Love your neighbor as yourself. If you do not love yourself, where does the neighborly love come from? Yes, you are worth it and yes, it feels awkward to focus inward in this outwardly focused world.
Step One is the biggest, hardest and most important. Breathe.
Blessings,

Laurel