Dear Friends,
These are such turbulent times!
Can we embrace the uncertainty, the challenges and the changes without falling into the fear zone and then staying there? Life oftens gives us more than we expect. Much of what we thought was solid and supportive may fade or disappear. Then we look into our inner selves for the wisdom of creative solutions. Okay, I'll try to be creative even when it feels everything is falling down around me! The drama is so appealing, isn't it!
Breathe and breathe some more. Listen (and not to the fear!) These recent challenges are no more true than the best things that have ever happened to me. There are the drama of life distracting me from trusting what is real within me. Despite my occasional doubt, I know who I am and while what is happening right now is not easy, it also is not that difficult. I have so much- my unique life, my creativity, my friends, family and my community. What am I paying attention to, what is within me or what is without?
Today in a healing session I saw myself standing, banging my head against a wall that I know I have created. I saw how I started out when I was much younger standing up to what didn't serve me but then not being supported. So I acquised who I was for the support I needed and when I finally realized that didn't work anyway, I wanted back my life, my very own being. I wasn't even aware it was possible! Little by little, I started showing up, first in small ways, trying not to alienate the people who did love me but who I hadn't shown who I really was.
This sometimes meant leaving behind an old friend as I struggled toward finding my own voice.
I often pushed away many who would've given me support had I the courage to face and share who I was. The rejection, or the possiblity of it, stung too deeply. It was easier to walk away first than risk it.
So today I saw myself standing in front of a wall. It was the same wall as always, except today it was made of cotton and practically wispy!
The wall of my own disbelief in myself is fading to nothing. It has been alot of smoke and mirrors, tears and fighting for what has been real since the beginning of time. I can stop pushing back, protecting and hiding. I can now remember to listen carefully to the deep soul of my being and to the play of what's happening around me. I have learned to wait for what is real to show itself, which, with patience, it usually does.
It's a funny thing how everything is born out of an opposite and amazing otherness. We have a creation of challenges and connections that we couldn't or at least wouldn't want to live without. There is a play in front of us and within us that contains all we ever need to know about who we are and how we see the world. Can you see the facade of your own beliefs covering the world?
Can you trust who you are, even if you don't have all the answers just yet?
Can you watch your universe unfold in it's own unique birthing process, knowing that newness and birth come after what's called 'transition', not before it?
Can you give up the sense of entitlement enmeshed in the false, illusionary self and instead embrace a simpler,more grounded and more truthful self?
Can you dance with what comes to your door, trusting your realness and not that of the world?
Warmly,
Laurel
Friday, December 12, 2008
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